Tuesday, January 1, 2013

A Better Mood

    "It's not what you look at that matters...it's what you see."
                                                                             Henry David Thoreau


    I love this quote, and have for years, because it sums up my approach to life.  I used to use it on my kids, you know..."attitude is everything", much to their chagrin.  I could always tell from their pained, faraway gaze what they thought of this bit of wisdom.  I also remember that "parent" moment when I realized "life" would have to provide the understanding, I was just the messenger.  I drew up the "play",  but "Coach" would have to explain it. I didn't have the words.  That's okay though. They would just have to wait for their "rich uncle" to visit.
    For several weeks now I have been spending a large portion of each day with a very dear friend of mine who is suffering from depression.  He has for some time. Recent events, and his illness, had rendered him "nonfunctioning".  In daily life and at work he became unable to perform even simple decisions, often "locking up" and just staring at nothing in particular.  Inside, he knew he was shutting down, but he couldn't help it.  He wasn't eating properly, his driving was slow and erratic, and his moment to moment awareness was so slow that his bosses put him on a medical leave for safety reasons.  His past gave him intense sadness, and the future scared the hell out of him.  No awareness of the present moment, blessings..opportunities, etc.  All his thoughts were "If only I had...done this" or " How is...going to happen".  The nighttimes alone were filled with such dread that he was unable to sleep, even with powerful prescription medication.  His appearance and behavior scared me to death.  I saw him after church a few weeks ago and just decided his situation was just too much too ignore.
    Much like cancer, I had a lot to understand about depression.  I knew it was an illness, just like cancer, that required treatment to survive.  When some of us encounter sad or stressful situations, we react to things, accordingly, and move forward. We grieve, we get upset, whatever the correct response is, and most of the time we "get over it".  For whatever reason, those who suffer depression find it difficult to reverse the initial feelings and their mood continues to slide south.  Many of us have experienced this to some degree. Sometime before  we reached that "tipping point", most of us gain control of our mood and start climbing back up. Science has a large volume of studies that show the chemical brain changes that happen when this occurs.  As the depression deepens, the greater the chemical changes.  Some believe that specific mental exercises can prevent the severe plunges that many suffer from. For others, medication is prescribed to balance these chemical offsets.  I offer this only as I sift my way through the reading material I am studying to gain understanding for my friend.  My objective here is to address the role we play in each others life.  When I saw my friend after church, the first thing I noticed was how alone he was...and it broke my heart.  For twenty years I was used to seeing him with his wife and four kids. Now people were avoiding any meaningful conversation with him, wishing not to engage in anything too personal.  I could tell by his appearance that his illness was winning the battle, and...so could everyone else.  I just remembered thinking "I just can't take anymore sadness this year", even when it's someone else's sadness.
    I'm casually acquainted with the connection between depression and suicide, or homicide for that matter, and I quickly decided to dive into my friend's life to at least "be there" for him.  I admit I didn't know what I was signing up for, but the option to ignore his plight never occurred to me.  So many people have been there for me, on so many levels, over the years.  It's how God maneuvers through our world.  We have to be the ones who advocate, protect, befriend, and sometimes comfort those around us.  Helping my friend was easy.  I love him.  Helping a stranger in a similar way would really express my true humanity.  Maybe I'll get to see how that plays out someday.  I say let's perfect our "compassion" on the one's we love first.  Don't look beyond the people in your life that are crying out for help.  Once we develop the "eyes" to see other people's pain we begin to build a world where sadness recedes and joy expands.  No one deserves to suffer illness, it just happens.  We all encounter it at some point in our lives.  Mental illness, physical disease, tragedy.  Loving each other through it is the only way to have peace as we go.  My friend will be okay.  He's getting lots of help, his illness is curable, and...he's not alone.
    I apologize if this post seems a bit "preachy".  It's not my intent.  I just wanted to push the point that we have to be there for each other.  We are the one's who perform HIS work.  We comfort, we cure, we support, we teach, we protect, and we attend to each other's needs.  All the things LOVE does. 
    Here's to a prosperous and happy New Year.  I hate to see last year go, but I'm anxious to see what I get to learn this year.  I say let's inhale deeply, smile brightly, and move closer to the "light".