" Stars look down and laugh at me...I oughta take a bow. You don't have to tell Them (life's hard sometimes), there's one falling now". Bruce Cockburn " All the Ways I Want You"
This verse...and song has long been one of my favorites and is especially appropriate now. It's very easy in life to "get roughed up" once in awhile. Be it finances, relationships, or health...or all of the above, life can serve up some serious heartache. "Stars" have been laughing at me for decades. But the heartache isn't the issue. It never is. We make it the issue, but it's not supposed to be. We make a big deal of a breakup, a motorcycle we can't have, or a house we can't afford to buy ( or paint, furnish, and remodel the way we want). Our "old phones" taunt us until we give in to the new one. The old suburban is embarrassing, slightly worn clothes aren't "appropriate" for nice occasions, and another summer without a vacation is demoralizing. How are we supposed enjoy football on a ten year old television...one's that aren't flat screen and high definition? For the record, the only people that should be happy about old school tvs are news anchors and talk show hosts with poor complexions. WE...CREATE...THE...HEARTACHE. And to be serious here, I am not talking about the loss of a loved one or illness of a child. I speak of the small things...fixable things, things we like to magnify until they are beyond our control...so maybe someone else will come along and "fix" them.
Health situations...even cancer, are not the issue. They happen all the time. Every moment, every day...year after year after year. Sometimes these issues resolve themselves to suit us ... sometimes not. I'm not sure we have much say in this...but that's for another time. Nobody wants cancer .... I don't. No one wants a heart condition, Krohn's disease, diabetes, or any other condition that interfere's with our lives. After all... it's our life. Nobody and no thing should be allowed to interrupt our movements toward a perfect life. We deserve it. "Stars" aren't supposed to fall. They're supposed to just stay in place and "shine".
And when they do fall ? Let's ask the citizens of Syria, Uganda, and Haiti. They'll have some good advice. They'll know, first, what a real "falling star" is, and, then, how to "put it back". They'll know what to do when replacement referees miss a call, our car breaks down, we lose our house (jobs, girlfriend, promotion, etc.), we come down with cancer, when life goes South when we planned on North. Having seen so many "falling stars" they have to know".
I'm sorry... this turned into a rant and I wanted to avoid that. I have developed a keen sense of how "small" we become when we encounter a "curve ball"... just when we figure out how to hit a "fastball". Love those baseball analogies. Some players move on to the next at-bat, armed with the knowledge gained... while others snap their bats in half, chew out the ump, and smash water coolers in the dugout. Their anger follows them to the next trip to home plate. They've become easy prey at that point.
My cancer is a gift. It's wrapped a little oddly, but a gift nonetheless. It's a gift that's teaching me lessons I could not learn without it. If I could have, I would have. Profound lessons. Lessons that show me how not to look beyond this moment to something else that hasn't happened yet. I've made a "career" of not being present to the present. Ask my wife and children. I excelled at this. I'm also learning to seek, and to treasure, silence. I had allowed external chaos, and internal noise as well, to drown out the "communications" I have always attempted with God. "it's just become "too loud" in here...I have to step "outside" where it's quiet". Silence is golden. More lessons to come....
I also need to do some "housekeeping" as they say and relay some surgery info. First the final date for my surgery is Oct. 15 at 1:00pm. It will be at St. Mary's Hospital in Grand Junction. I will have an MRI that morning just before surgery. The other event of note will be the bone scan which will be done this Monday, Oct.1st. All prayers are now being accepted. No limits.
Thankyou for your patience. I LOVE YOU ALL
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